Fitness Check In Day 25: Flip The Switch

Today I woke up and felt a little bit better. Excited that maybe I could go on that glider for at least 10 minutes but my stomach and body had other plans. Utterly exhausted, and still having a little bit of that metallic taste from the CT Scan drink w/contrast despite drinking water was disconcerting and made my heart race. I am still super anxious and worried that I will not make it through the week and will join my dad in heaven. (heavy I know) I just haven’t been through something like this since my nightmare breast biopsy. My body aches now and I’m wiped out…symptoms I usually get when I have bad digestive issues but in my mind, it’s my kidneys. In my mind, it’s the bladder or an abscess or something that is going to cause me to wake up in the middle of the night wheezing like my dad did and then go into sepsis and not wake up. Such a toxic way of thinking and not helpful at all for my stress levels and my IBS/Gastritis.

I have not been able to get an appointment in the office to any doctor (urologist and primary) as they all are booked through September or October. However, before I started writing this, I got a call of a virtual appt but its on July 1st. I’m keeping it but if I get anything sooner from someone I will go to them. Since I do feel like crap, and my stomach feels like it’s on a hot roller coaster, I am unable to walk outside on this beautiful day.

The pain I feel now is clouding my mind and poisoning my thoughts. Exercise helps and today is another day that I am forced to take a break from it. I hope that tomorrow I can get on that glider, take a quick walk, or maybe even do some squats to release those endorphins that will help me to relax and refocus.

If I flip the switch on my thoughts however…focus on the good things like, the workday is done, WWE wrestling is on tonight, and it’s Friday, then it kind of gives me comfort.

For now, at this moment, I have done two things that do calm me for a bit. Ujjayi Breathing (My favorite and sometimes known as ocean breath and you kind of sound like Darth Vader) and Box Breathing which is a technique that the Navy Seals use since they are usually involved in high stress situations. Box breathing is good for stress, it lowers your heart rate and helps deactivate your fight or flight response. Harvard Health has the technique online that you can read and practice on your own. *Just make sure you speak with your doctor before you practice, because while Box breathing, is generally safe, those individuals with certain health conditions such as respiratory issues (asthma), high blood pressure, heart condition, pregnancy, diabetes, PTSD and more may have some problems doing this safely.* 

Until tomorrow. I leave you with this quote from Bruce Lee. A good reminder that the negative thoughts can crush my confidence. My confidence to get better, to get through this…to heal.