Many of us, as we are growing up, look at celebs in magazines, or those older than us and observe what they look like, how they dress, how they carry themselves, etc. We then, in turn, look at ourselves and see how we measure up. How do we compare? How do we look? What do we want to change about ourselves or wish we had?
As I was looking at some pictures of when I was younger, a rush of memories came to me. I remember how I was made fun of in grade school for my big teeth, bubble gum pink glasses, braces and big lips. I remember hating my wavy, frizzy hair and small boobs. In 6th grade, I would put tissue in my bra to make my little bon bons look a tad bigger.
Anytime I had to have my school picture taken, in grade school, I’d make sure my hair was blown out straight like all the models in the magazines. I hated my ginormous lips and teeth since I was made fun of daily, so I’d try to purse them to make them look smaller so I looked annoyed or like I had no teeth–>
In high school, I saw many other girls with beautiful, wavy, hair so I let mine go natural even in pictures with the exception of my graduation pic since it was soo long and I have to admit, looking back I don’t like it straight.
In college, while I may have had my reservations, at the time I was more concerned with my studies then my looks. As I entered the workforce I was comfortable and fine with my body and hair, but still had qualms about my face. I thought I was the ugliest thing on earth. I compared myself to other women and wished for their smooth skin, or eyes, lips and teeth. Then, over time I started to appreciate what God gave me. I mean, if you think about it, how many people get lip fillers and Botox now to make their lips look bigger, fuller? God gave my mom those lips, and I inherited them from her.
It seems ridiculous to me now. Now, at 47, what I see in those pics is a young girl, with gorgeous, healthy hair, a gorgeous pout, warm smile, and two little almond joy boobs in that petite little healthy body. I wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self how special and unique I was and to never let anyone tell her differently or make her feel less. We are all special in our own way, and it’s hard to see that sometimes. This can be due to the cruelty of others who make us feel like garbage both inside and out. Or it could be to the harshest critic we can come across in our lives…ourselves.
I realize that I was damn good just as I was and I sure as sugar should not try to change who I am for anyone else ever again.
I still have my moments now where I hate the way I look of course. As I’ve gotten older with my health issues, I’ve seen my skin suffer, my once healthy, wavy hair is coarse, dry and the waves aren’t pronounced anymore. I don’t have abs, and my butt has an indent of the toilet seat and work chair I live on. I have droopy lids due to loss of collagen as my nutrition has suffered, and I have entered peri-menopause. I have a few wrinkles which I actually don’t mind, and a ton of white hair that I happily color thanks to a quick run to CVS for some Garnier. I am still critical, but I do stop and say to myself more often now, “Ylia, you are perfect now and when you are 80, you will look back on your 47 year old self and say “What a catch I was” I wish I would have appreciate myself then.”
It’s hard not to compare yourself to others especially now in the days of social media, but this is a true waste of time. I know I will have moments in the future where I complain and slam how I look now, but I’m putting to use the tools I have learned in the @worthygoddesscircle and my one on one coaching with Mary as well as the Alignment Essentials Warrior women. These are invaluable tools from an amazing group of encouraging and supportive women who help you to realize your worth when you have forgotten this, own your truth, and accept with grace and patience when you falter.
To keep a positive mindset on myself, I will try and focus on how I feel rather than how I look. If you think about it, what if we look great but feel like hell? Doesn’t make much sense, does it? When I’m 80, I want to look back at a life well lived. A life filled with beautiful memories and fun times had with those I cherish. All the other nonsense is just clutter and a waste of time.
Mind Body Synergylia 