I am super disappointed to have missed checking in since last Thursday. The day prior to my birthday I was in decent spirits, waiting to turn 48 years old and then Friday hit. I was able to exercise, although my body felt heavy and my holds in the Vinyasa poses were even more wobbly and weak than days prior but I pushed through it. My back pain was getting worse and my mood dipped significantly. I really didn’t want to celebrate anything. My mind started going to that place it usually does when my birthday comes around, although it usually hits a week or so prior to the day. I start to take inventory of my life. What have I done, where am I now as opposed to a few years ago, have I accomplished any goals that I had written down or set for myself? And the list goes on.
A part of me kept saying, “yup, you’re a freaking loser, you’ve accomplished NOTHING! Despite your resume, you have nothing to show for it”. Then the other part of me was saying “don’t compare yourself to others, you have a lot going on”….blah blah blah. But sometimes the devil wins. I was honestly tired and feeling deflated.
I didn’t even want any cake. I’ve been blessed to have a cake since I can remember, and I had no appetite or desire at all. All I wanted were sugar doughnuts from Dunkin Donut, and wouldn’t you know it? My beautiful, awesome big brother did just that. The Dunkin 2 blocks away never has any sugared doughnuts, so he went almost 10 blocks away to get them and boy did I appreciate it!!! My mom and brother have always been there for me and put up with soo much of my irritable moods at times and with perimenopause hitting hard these days, they always find a way to make me laugh just like my dad did. Looking back, I at least was able to work out, although it hurt, and I spent time with my mom and brother watching one of my favorite copy shows these days, “Hudson and Rex“.
The past few days after that, however have been rough. The pain in my back intensified, my bladder just won’t cooperate and my bowels well…before I was going going going, now it’s like being in a traffic jam…slowly moving.
To make matters worse, the only day I exercised since last Friday, was on Tuesday when I did DDPYoga: Below the Belt. This was probably the hardest time I’ve had with that workout since I first started in 2013. My legs, arms, everything felt soo heavy and clumsy. Every joint and muscle was weak and in pain, so I modified heavily and in some poses, just stayed in safety zone (child pose). Today was another day that went without any activity because my body is sore and just cannot move properly.
This all was evident yesterday after I finally went to a Physical Therapist for the pelvic floor. Thanks to Zoc Doc, I found someone that not only was available fast instead of the end of August like the others, but the out of pocket was a lot less than the $235 and $295 PER SESSION the others were asking me for, since insurance does not cover this.
I went in nervous but the PT doctor on duty was an angel!! She explained in detail what I had in simple terms and that the exercises she was going to show me should help but may take a little longer. Turns out that if you have hypertonic or tight pelvic muscles, there are places that stretch it internally. They use a special instrument to measure how tight you are, and then use another instrument to go inside your lady bits and stretch your pelvic muscle.
This is something I was not comfortable at all doing and was not told to me by either my gynecologist or urologist. Thankfully the PT explained this to me and stated they don’t do that there so I was happy. Right now, I’m sticking to the exercises that she showed me and will be doing these 5X a week for the next two weeks and will go back and report my progress.
The amount of tightness that I have all over is unreal and I knew this and was glad that not only she saw this and confirmed I’m tight in my hamstrings, back, quads, hip flexors, etc…but the massage therapist who gave me the most amazing back massage, confirmed this. My back is a LOT less stiff and painful than it was yesterday thanks to that massage and the PT exercises that the doctor instructed me to do.
I am still in a bit of pain, albeit less, but hopefully tomorrow I’ll feel better and cross my fingers that each day that passes not only those muscles, but my back, shoulders, legs and entire body learn to relax the way it used to.
I sent her an email asking her if I can go ahead and do other exercise like DDPYoga, or the glider in addition to the PT exercises, which I have a feeling may be counterintuitive, but we will see what she says.
For now, I am going to make sure I do my PT homework so that I can finally get back on track.
Mind Body Synergylia 