On Friday, the lens of my glasses popped out and it was too late to get to the Optometrist’s office and I couldn’t fix them so I had to use my old glasses which sucked because everything is blurry, (dark for some reason.) Not sure if this was the sole cause or if the intestinal inflammation results were swimming in my mind, but on Saturday I woke up with a huge dip in my mood. Soo much soo that I stayed in bed all day. I also had thoughts that I haven’t had in a long time.
I didn’t want to be on this earth anymore. These are thoughts that I haven’t had in quite some time and I was proud of myself for this. Proud that I was able to get through those dark days and not think like that anymore. Saturday was a brutal test. A test to see if all the work I have done in the past few months would help and they did. However, it was a struggle for a good chunk of the day. Half the day I spent wallowing, not wanting to do anything but wish the world would just swallow me whole. The latter part of the day I started to get annoyed. Annoyed at these feelings, annoyed that these thoughts were invading my mind. So, I got up and did a few sit to standing exercises and got out of my room and shake up the thoughts that were not serving me.
Sunday, I ventured out to feel the cold air and got a few steps in, and today, I walked a lot. I went to the Optometrist’s office to get my glasses fixed and afterward although it was raining a bit, the weather was warm enough (40 degrees) to take advantage and walk a bit before taking the train back home.
Since this area was around where I used to live over 20 years ago, I took my time to look around and not only see all the new stores and businesses that exist now, but try and remember what used to be in these areas when I was young. The City Diner is still around on Broadway and 90th street. I used to go here a lot when I worked at Barnes and Noble on 82nd street with my coworkers. Then Metro Diner on 100th street is still on Broadway where we used to get my brother’s birthday cake over 20 years ago. I kept walking and reminiscing and it felt both calming and sad to see how much the neighborhood has changed. While there are some interesting looking businesses, like Fencing classes on 104th and Broadway, and boxing classes around 112th street, I did miss some of the Mom and Pop shops that used to be around. Like Great Shape Threading on 100th street which used to be a little shop that sold items like bookbags that my mom would get us when I was in grammar school. There was Broadway diner on 101st street that I used to go to every now and then that closed in 2023 after being in business for 43 years.
There were a few that I remember that have survived. The Gothic Cabinet furniture store on 100th street where I got my dad’s rocking chair over 30 years ago that we still are in possession of. A hardware store on 102nd street and Tom’s Restaurant made famous by the show Seinfeld on 112th street. This was a nice walk down memory lane. A nostalgic walking meditation that led me to complete almost 4 miles (3.91 to be exact)
It felt good to get the body moving and the blood flowing. My goal is to continue to go outside, weather permitting and walk. To gain strength in the easiest form of exercise so I can begin other types of exercise without injuring myself.
Tomorrow I will be starting DDPY again and will start with the chair force program because I do think I’m ready. If not I will go back to the Bedflex program and work my way up. As long as I keep moving, by the time Comic Con 2026 comes around, I will be in the shape I want to be in to enjoy all 4 days.
There is soo much to tackle in January starting with next week’s numerous doctors appts. So for now I am really trying to not think of what’s pending and enjoy the present which is why today’s walking meditation was super important. You don’t have to make it a walking meditation, you can just walk and listen to music, or just walk. As long as you keep that body moving.
Until next time my phoenixes. Keep moving! Take care of yourself as best you can and never give up!!
Mind Body Synergylia 