Today I finally got to see The Golden Girls: 40 Years of Laughter and Friendship – Special Edition of 20/20 on ABC that I recorded in November of last year. It was a great behind the scenes look at how the girls were cast, interviews with the creators, bloopers, plus past clips of interviews from the cast. They also talked about the topics they tackled during the show’s run, the show’s impact on television, the fanbase that keeps the show alive and breaking the stereotypes of women over 50.
Now, I’ve been a Golden Girls fan for years, but it wasn’t always this way. Back in 1985, my poor mom was super excited to see this show when it came out and I, who was 8 years old at the time, told her snidely after watching a few episodes, “why do you want to watch a show about a bunch of old women?” Apparently, this was enough to deflate her souffle and she stopped watching it and pretty much grew indifferent with the show. It was only a few years ago that I found out this was the reason she stopped watching. This was surprising to me as it was extremely rare of my mother to let anyone influence her decisions, especially a sassy eight year old kid. But alas it did and I’ve felt guilty all these years after finding this out. Especially, since I became addicted to the show years later when I was in high school and Lifetime TV started airing re-runs of the Golden Girls. Every Saturday I’d sit with my International Foods Coffee and Stella D’oro Lady Stella cookies and watch one hour of everyone’s favorite foursome. An addiction that has lasted to my now pre Golden Girl peri menopausal age of 48.
This ABC special highlighted what made the show memorable and while I knew that it was groundbreaking on soo many levels, this special was a good reminder of a few important things that I have forgotten. Life doesn’t end after a certain age. At a certain age (usually after 40 I’ve noticed), people tend to dismiss you or criticize you for doing certain things or wearing certain clothes and even body shame you. Social media is a prime example of how ageism, especially against women is still prevalent. ‘Baywatch’ actress Donna D’Errico who is in her 50s for example was told in comments on a bikini photo she posted that she was ‘desperate’ and ‘too old to wear a bikini’. Former model Paulina Porizkov was told “You must be in soo much pain to keep posting bikini photos at your age. I always thought that getting old and ugly was hardest on pretty people…I pray you can come to terms with your mortality.”
Kelly Ripa’s husband Mark Consuelos post a proud picture of her on the beach in a bikini and then a comment was posted stating “Kelly’s gorgeous, but isn’t there a cutoff age where age-appropriateness comes into play? Just because you can rock a bikini doesn’t mean you should,” And these are just the celebs. What about the average person who wants to express herself but wearing a two piece, a crop top, cargo pants, collect stuffed dolls or even cosplay at Comic Con?
Candace Cima who is 76 and an influencer was made fun of and body shamed for posting a picture of herself in a sleeveless dress. Some people pointed out how she should wear a sweater to cover up her body. Another commented “For the sake of men who have to see you in public, know what dresses compliment you and which ones don’t. Body hugging form fitting dresses on a woman over… 50, is not visually appealing in any form.” and another one stated, “No, older women should not wear form-fitting dresses like that. It shows off a sagging butt. Looser fitting would be much better. You’re very attractive but that dress is not for a sagging body or skin.” Fortunately Cima didn’t give those comments a second thought. But there are others who see this and do. They stop enjoying things because other bash them for it.
The fact is there are critics at every corner. You can get fillers or plastic surgery and you’re told “you look fake”, “no one ages gracefully anymore.” And, then if you let nature run its course with just face creams and a somewhat sensible diet, you’re told “wow you look old…those wrinkles are deep, or dang what happened to you?”
On the Golden Girls, while they had episodes that addressed aging, like when Blanche dated a younger man who happened to be her aerobics instructor or when Blanche gets depressed after she starts menopause, and when she goes to her high school reunion class and gets upset at how everyone looks younger than her, the writers did so with humor injected into scenes. They also wrote into the episodes the fact that Blanche always the support of Rose, Dorothy and Sophia who made her realize what was really important in life and how important she was to them. The girls also supported Rose when she had to go and look for a job after having Charlie’s pension cut off. She faced ageism while looking for a job but the support of the girls gave Rose the confidence to keep pushing and stand up for herself and she ends up getting a job on a TV show.
I’ll admit, I myself look in the mirror and wonder “What the hell happened”, “lord I look like soo damn old.” I also like many people compare myself to those I see on tv, or even on social media, but at the end of the day, none of that matters. A job, a home, a few friends or family members to shoot the breeze with, go out to a movie with and celebrate life with are important. I have also looked at my life and what I have accomplished at my age. I have not done a lot of what I set out to do but unlike a few years ago where I thought, well I’m 45, why the frick bother, I’ve missed the boat, I know now I still have time. I am still young and there is a lot more I’d like to do. At this stage of my life, I know I will be able to get to the point of teaching and helping others soon. Helping others being the most important to me and something I did do when I was younger but never realized that this was the path I should be on until the pandemic when I found my calling but ‘life happens’ so it was put on hold then later well if you follow this blog, you know of my health issues.
I say to myself now, so I’m 48, who cares! That means I can share my experience with others and hopefully help them to deal with the bumps in the road of life that I have already gone through.
Love is another big thing I got from this Golden Girls tribute. After my last two relationships I had given up completely on love but then there were a few moments of, well…maybe I will find someone. Then of course are the Hallmark movies which always give me bit of hope. However, when I turned 45, I told myself ‘yeah I that part of my life is over’, and I can’t be a cat lady or even a dog lady because I’m allergic to both and I can’t afford either lol. I also told myself I don’t want to deal with opening up again and explaining my health issues, or tell them I can’t go out to eat because I can’t eat all this or that to someone new after compromising my health twice before so I wouldn’t be seen as difficult (for example, telling someone you cannot have black pepper or onions and they put both onions and black pepper in the dinner they cooked for you anyway, or telling someone you need to eat dinner at a certain time and you end up eating past 8p or 9p which ends up making you constantly constipated or drinking more than you should because “you’re more fun when you drink” of which make your IBS issues worse as a result) There is also the issue I saw that everyone my age is married, not to mention the men my age want someone younger, not me, a peri menopausal woman with severe gut issues.
This is far from true and it hit me today while watching this. There are as they say, plenty of fish in the sea, you just need to cast a wider net. Or in my case, get out there and meet new people, which is a bit hard when you can’t go out as much but I digress. The point is, there is still time. It doesn’t matter if it happens a year from now or 5 years from now, I am open to the possibility of finding someone, but enough time has passed where I’m not going to be heartbroken if that doesn’t happen for whatever reason. I’d rather be alone and happy than in a couple, miserable and lose myself in the process just to say I’m with someone.
There is also the point the friends as family. I have lost a lot of friends over the years due to my distancing myself and my IBS issues that led me to back out last minute on events, outings and special occasions which led to less invites. I miss hanging out with friends in person and while I do have a few friends I see on occasion or talk to on the phone, I am grateful that I was lucky enough in 2021 to find the Warrior Tai Chi group. A group of like minded warrior sisters who welcomed me into their circle and through which I felt confident enough to get my certification as a Warrior Tai Chi Instructor (something I hope to be teaching sometime this year as I keep getting physically stronger). I was also welcomed into two wonderful groups called the Goddess Circle and the Goddess Book Club. I have not been able to meet these wonderful ladies in person yet, but like the Warrior Tai Chi group, I have seen their beautiful faces virtually and have shared laughter, tears and special memories and moments with no judgement, only support. I had always wanted to be a part of groups like this but as I got older, but I didn’t think that was possible. How the heck did I come to that conclusion? I was told that after 40 people don’t make new friends because many people already have their circle of friends set, are busy with work and those with kids don’t want to be around an old spinster. So that kind of stuck with me until last year. Having a support system is important in life. I have seen this time and again especially last year as I mentioned. The support you helps you get through the bad times in life. Sometimes it’s friends that you end up trusting more than your extended family as we saw on the show and can be true for many in life. Friend’s that know you better and give you the support without judgement. Who give you the kick in the pants you need or give you the advice you seek.
Having fun, is another theme I got from this watching the show over the years. Doing what you love no matter what others think. I am 48 years old and I have been going to New York City Comic Con for about 10 years or so and cosplaying for most of them. I remember telling someone I used to work with years ago I was going and he looked at me with a face of utter disgust. It was if I told him I just ate a pile crap on a cracker or something. I can’t remember the exact words he said to me but it was along the lines of being weird, cringey ridiculous. I have heard others comment how it’s sad, pathetic, immature etc…I honestly could care less because it’s something I love to do. I have a lot of fun getting dressed up and interacting with those at NY Comic Con which I have always said, is the happiest place on earth. If I like it, who cares? When you get right down to it, it’s your life, your choice and unless someone is paying your bills, they have no say in what you do. If I want to dress up as Harley Quinn or Chelsea Green or Black Widow for Comic Con or even Halloween, that’s my prerogative no matter how old I get. Just because you’re older, doesn’t mean you have to stop living. My high school teacher once told me, “You don’t stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing”. Getting older is a gift. To also quote Mark Twain, “Don’t regret growing older. It’s a privilege denied to many.”
Golden Girls touches on many subjects, but many that stand out for me is to live. Live life to the fullest. Live life as best you can and surround yourself with like minded people. Take risks, be confident in yourself, try new things, and learn to laugh at life and of course, when times get tough, get yourself some cheesecake!!!
Did you watch the Golden Girls? Do you love it like I do? What lessons did you learn from this show? What did you like about this show? What episode or episodes did you identify with? Let me know in the comments.
Until next time my Phoenixes!!! Be kind and patient with yourself and keep going! You got this!!!
Mind Body Synergylia 
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