Today I woke up in a great deal of pain. Fortunately it wasn’t pain in my foot, but in my neck and back. Using two pillows as suggested for those with acid reflux or Barrett’s Esophagus in my case, has made it tough to sleep at times, this is on top of the horrid hot flashes I’m getting at night. Fortunately despite all of this I actually did sleep more than the usual 5 hours. I actually slept a good 7 hours which my body definitely felt!
Even though my body felt like it had been squashed like a bug, I got up and did my usual routine so I could meditate before work. This morning I will admit I had trouble getting deep into my meditation, but as Bob Roth says ‘you shouldn’t try to empty your thoughts, because that will cause you more stress’. So I repeated my mantra and was able to relax a little bit while those thoughts began to fade away. It did work because I felt a lot calmer and was able to begin work much more relaxed than I usually do.
I was able to go outside today during my lunch hour but I only ventured out 2 blocks from where I live to get myself a corn muffin from Dunkin Donuts which I had been craving for days and stock up on yogurt. My foot held up well as long as I don’t take big steps and walk slower than usual. I then joined the online group meditation for a second time to recharge my batteries. (Transcendental Meditation is traditionally practiced twice a day for 20minutes. Something I have not done in quite some time)
After work and before dinner, I did DDPY Bedflex III, took a nice long shower to wash away the day and am now trying to relax as best I can while my mind tries to quite the circus of monkeys swinging around in there. It’s funny because when I’m at my calmest or things are going well, for some reason, my mind begins to create worries and scenarios that are just out there. Scenarios that belong in a script for a tv show, not in my head. Sometimes I can pinpoint why my brain is going all gloom doom on me, like watching a TV show with a certain theme or watching the news. Other times, the thoughts come out of left field.
What’s been helping me lately are my mile walks, but right now since I cannot do this, my only choice is to sit down with these thoughts and hash it out. Ask myself the journalist questions who, what, where, when, why, how so I can figure out what’s buggin me and if I can identify it, is it really something I need to worry about?
Today scaffolding started going up around my building, and recently I have been hearing creaks and noises in my apartment, so I remembered some of the hairline cracks on a few of my walls and ceilings and started to think, “oh no, the building is going to come down one of these days soon”, then I had thoughts of being buried in rubble, not being able to move or breathe and I began to get anxiety. I asked my brother and mom if we should be worried, if they are not worried, then it’s no big deal. Alas it is not a big deal as they are hairline cracks and the ceiling is just cracks from peeling paint and our Tenant’s Association mentioned a sign that went up stating its just Facade Repair.
After thinking about it, I remembered I watched an episode of Hudson and Rex where the character Charlie was placed in a coffin and buried. The whole episode left gave my a bit of anxiety and I know that’s where my fears of being buried alive came from. I also remember reading about a building collapse but I can’t remember where I read it. I can’t even remember what I ate for dinner last Monday but I remember vaguely a story about a building collapse. It’s funny what the mind remember and how the mind works. It’s soo powerful, even right now as I write, I hear the creaks in my room and my amygdala is working overtime triggering heart palpitations, gurgles in my stomach and panic. So I turned to diaphragmatic breathing. This reall does help. A few minutes of doing this and I am feeling the calm in my stomach and in my body.
What all this tells me is, I need to heal this foot so I can go on my walks, do more breathing exercises, keep up with my meditation, and take my laptop to another room to do work instead of working in my room all the time and try to relax as best I can.
So that is a little insight into the ludicrous thoughts in my brain lol! Until next time my Phoenixes! Be kind to yourself and others, meditate when you can to calm that monkey brain and take some time to unwind and relax when you can. You’ve got this!
Mind Body Synergylia 