Thursday, I faced my fear and went outside with my brother and mom without the cane. The fear and hesitation was strong, but I knew I had to take that step at least to test myself and see how far I could get, how my health has improved since I started taking the D3 supplement and my changes in neck crushing pillows.
I was dizzy but I made it. I had walked slowly but was determined to keep going until I reached the supermarket 5 blocks away and come back.
Friday was a bigger test. Friday my need to go to the chiropractor was of utmost importance so after work, I went out for the first time in I believe over three weeks since I went out by myself and since the dizziness hit me hard and lasted 24/7. I was a bit anxious about going alone but I knew I had to face that fear and went after work. I left without my cane again which was also worrying but I wanted to test myself. Going up and down the stairs I noticed has to be the most taxing activity so far. It makes my legs feel like jello, especially when going up stairs. However I made it to his office and figured okay, the nerves should subside now. Nope, as I waited, the anxiety and thoughts came in like a tornado. “oh no it’s getting dark, and my legs won’t be steady, I have to use the stairs for the train, what if what happened a few Saturday ago happens again? I have no one with me? I should have brought the cane because I can’t afford to take a cab!!”
On and on my mind was betraying me because I wasn’t practicing the breathing techniques I had learned when I was studying to be a yoga teacher or recently, and the tapping methods while were helping, were drowned by the shallow breaths I was taking and the gloom doom scenarios running through my mind.
Then my chiropractor comes in who has known me for I’d say almost 20 years now. He sees the worry on my face and I begin to ramble, cutting him off and he stops me. He says listen to me and asks me to take a breath. After I took a nice deep breath, he says, “You’re doing it wrong.” He then explains my breath all came from the chest, which is something, that A) I do all the time when im stressed and B) I had not even noticed I was still doing it, even while practicing deep breaths every now and then.
He also explained that all those muscles I am using to breathe are contributing to that exhaustion in my upper body. Add this to the subluxation I have been experiencing thanks to some horrible pillows and well if you’ve been reading this blog, you know what’s been going on. Pain, dizziness and utter exhaustion on the daily. After he made me practice a few diaphragmic breaths, I noticed, the butterflies in the stomach were gone, as was the nervousness of being able to go back home.
Miracle? Nope, that’s just the fascinating and sometimes annoying part of the human body. Fascinating in how it can heal itself or how it sends you signals that something is wrong, and annoying that your mind isnt in tune with those signals it’s giving out.
After the much needed adjustment, I left happy and more confident that things will get better and even though I still got dizzy and jelly like from using the stairs, I was determined to go outside on the weekend.
Saturday came and went and I stayed home, but this time it was due to my stomach not getting enough attention. It decided to give me more grief than it had during the week and sidelined me. I stayed in with a heating pad on and off for most of the day and cursed the day I decided to eat gluten free tortillas again which were the culprit. For me unfortunately, not all gluten-free products are IBS, gastritis friendly.
Sunday was a different story. My stomach was off but not volcano style off so I went out and walked a total of 12 blocks! I did have a weird pain in the back of my left leg, that felt like someone was pulling on that bone behind the knee and my right leg felt heavy and lazy, but I used the cane and bonus, the dizziness was gone!! I was the most lucid and fog free I have been in weeks. That is until I decided to test myself and carry a basket in the supermarket with groceries. Then I felt the pull on all muscles from my head down to my arm and I almost immediately started to get dizzy.
Does that suck? Yeah. Will this pass? Heck yeah!! I know that with more time and added baby steps I’m taking, by December I will be at least 40% better off than I am today. Patience is a virtue for sure.
Until next time my phoenixes!!! Be patient with yourself and keep going!!!
You can do this!!!!
Mind Body Synergylia 