Fitness Check In Day 85: Nervous Nelly

Last night I got the referral forms to get tested for C-Diff and check my levels of Calprotectin and made an appointment today to pick up the vials. It was very early in the morning but it was already 78 degrees or so and I felt it. I got what I needed from the lab and saw there was no bus coming for another 20 minutes so I walked. I got my steps in and walked the 1 mile! The only bad thing I noticed was with the heat I was wiped out and I checked my blood pressure on my watch and it was climbing. 142/80! This is worrying because in the past few years with my inactivity, I noticed that my blood pressure is high when I walk too fast or too much. Especially in warmer weather. But that worry is for another time when I get my physical in June.

I was elated that I got my steps in, but came home exhausted and soaked in sweat. I thought after I ate breakfast I’d be able to get the stool sample, but of course I got nothing! I usually go twice a day in the morning although lately it’s been a bit more and today I got nothing when I really needed it to send these samples off to make sure I don’t have C-Diff. So now I have to wait the weekend and pray that my symptoms don’t get worse. Right now I’m okay, but if I eat too much I get cramps and diarrhea. I’m trying my best to not focus on this right now but with the warm weather come the thoughts of how my dad died. He passed away from sepsis due to doctor negligence and since he had Alzheimer’s he couldn’t tell us if he was in pain and didn’t show any signs that he was. He was even joking and laughing the night before. I know this is different but my fear since then has been dying of sepsis or an infection. Crazy how the mind works right? My brain is on a bad mental loop and I have been very good an letting that go…until now. Once again I have to fight to calm myself so that the butterflies in my stomach don’t get worse and to keep any anxiety in check and calm that nervous nelly.

Another bad thing about worrying too much? Googling all sorts of symptoms you have, scenarios, timeline of the infection etc…to see if you have C-Diff and what can or should you do. I may not have it, I mean have only had diarrhea after I ate a big plate of pasta yesterday. (I was hungry and I have had this dish before) I was fine after I ate it, but then 2 hours later I had major cramps and had to run to the bathroom.

Right now and for the next two days, it’s a wait and see game. Wait and pray I don’t have it and if I do, it doesn’t get worse. Wait until Monday to do my thing and send off the vials then wait until the results come in. Waiting is not my strong suit, so practicing patience, meditating, using the tools I’ve learned from the coaching last year and leaning into my faith is the only way I will get through these next few days.

This is why I hate taking any kind of medication for the most part, but this is I needed and now I have to deal with whatever comes the best way I can. Implementing everything I know and have learned to manage my mental health and incorporating natural solutions I know of to keep help me at least little bit if I do have C-Diff.

We all have obstacles that come our way. Some are easy to manage and others are harder to get a handle on. It can be something that is happening to us or a loved one. Until next time, if you are going through a challenge right now, I leave you with these quotes my Phoenixes:

“Promise me you’ll always remember: you’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”A.A. Milne

“Some days there won’t be a song in your heart. Sing anyways.”Emory Austin

“Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from indomitable will.”Mahatma Gandhi

“Hope is the only thing stronger than fear.”Suzanne Collins

“Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tiptoe if you must, but take a step.”Naeem Callaway

“Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, I’m not going to make it, but you laugh inside — remembering all the times you’ve felt that way.”Charles Bukowski