In my last post I talked about the stool tests that were ordered by a new gastroenterologist. I finally got all tests back and they were ALL Negative or normal. Including that new dirty lettuce one, cyclospora. I cried. because I still feel like garbage and I have NO answers. It’s been 4 weeks of hell. I thought I was getting a little bit better eating more than a kids size meal and then I just kept getting worse. I’ve lost at least 4 or 5 pounds already which thankfully isn’t a lot but I do not need to lose weight and if I did, this is not the way I’d choose to do so.
Last weekend I also ate the Oui yogurt I have mentioned that I love and have been eating it since last year. Just 30 minutes later it was like someone was running a knife through my intestines and I ran to the bathroom to unload my sins into the porcelain throne. I got through that and the next day my mom made raisin rice pudding, which I have had a few times this year and many years prior with no issues and BAM! 25 minutes later, I was on that throne again. I cried, I prayed, I cursed….I even think I saw the light at some point. I was sweating and in soo much pain I began thinking to myself why am I here? What is the point of all this pain?
I know this sounds dramatic, but anyone who has had severe digestive issues will tell you how hard this can be mentally and physically, especially when it’s been going on over the course of several years or in my case 25 years starting with IBS which I was able to control after a while, then gastritis, then esophagitis, now barrett’s. Your stomach dictates your plans. Can you go out? What can you eat? Will you have to run to the bathroom? You remember your life prior to all of this. You ate foods A through Z, now you eat foods E C and Y only. You can’t even finish an episode of Friends or Hudson and Rex without having to pause it to run to the bathroom let alone travel to a theater to watch a 2 hour and 45 minute movie.
I have been living on essential oils rubbed on my belly and in a diffuser for calming purposes, water and my heating pad which helps ease the pain. I’m also now down to eating eggs, fresh bread, salted crackers, yucca and couscous with golden raisins so far. I can also eat thankfully, EGGO vanilla protein waffles. It’s not necessarily a nutritious food, but it has a few vitamins and minerals like calcium, potassium, iron, A, B6, B12, folate, phosphorus and 10g of protein in it which is what I need and it fills my belly. Today I am going to try the ground beef with salt only and see if I can finish it without getting nauseous and painfully bloated.
My body is also craving exercise even when I am wiped out, but it has been really hard to do anything because I’m soo tired. The only things I have been able to do have been at the very least 40 arm pullbacks with the yellow bands at least 2 times last week and so 2 times so far this week. I also did one set of 50 sit to standing exercises in the morning and another 50 in the evening. The most I have ever done so far which is a good thing. I still continue to walk back and forth in the hallway after dinner to help with digestion and honestly, while a part of me is hugely disappointed, I have to remind myself that something is better than nothing. Getting in shape prior to Comic Con in October has been a goal of mine and I was sure that this was the year that I was going to do this. But here we are just over a month away and my muscles still feel like a bowl of jello.
I took inventory of everything going on and I cried like crazy the other day. Deconditioning (muscle wasting), gastritis, barrett’s esophagus, IBS, hypertonic pelvic floor muscle issues, subluxation, left hand pain, right wrist pain, shoulder impingement, hip impingement,osteoarthritis in my L4-L5 and L5 -S1 and now this? It’s just too much to deal with when you have all of these at once and little to no relief from any of them. I started this blog to document my journey to health and I was all in. Positive, hopeful and determined. Over the past year I have had more issues come up than I ever thought would be possible for one person, but here I am. I am human and as positive as I have tried to be on here, this FREAKING SUCKS. It’s too much all at once.
And even despite all of this, I still get up every single day and try to do something unless my body just can’t. I even got a board at Five Below to create a vision board and started filling it with my goals. I have 3 wrestlers on here. Two of them are inspirations to get that muscle back and lift some weights eventually. Another (Asuka) my goal this year is to cosplay as her. The others are walking down to that little red light house under the George Washington Bridge and the last one is to start teaching Warrior Tai Chi Yoga and get certified for 24 Form Tai Chi.
I have a virtual appointment next week with my regular gastroenterologist who is back from vacation and we will see what she says and hopefully she can help. Until then, I have to take advantage of the small spurts of energy I do get like right now to write, do a few simple exercises here and there and study so I can get certified for Tai Chi 24 short form and teach my mom and others. That is my ultimate goal, to help others move no matter how old you are and what baseline fitness level is.
That’s the update for now. Cry, scream and curse if you have to. Just let it out, rest if you have to but keep hoping for better days to come. Until next time my Phoenixes, I leave you with this inspiring quote from the late, great and inspiring Dolly Parton…
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